“Hello where you go?” – “Will you get me drunk, bar fine me and take me shopping, then go to expensive restaurant that serves super spicy food that could take varnish off a table, then go 3D cinema to see Iron Man (he super sexy), then go shopping again and buy real fake Gucci hand bag, watch, matching dress and shoes, then take me to lady boy show at Alcazar followed by eating at 5 star hotel restaurant as hungry again, then we go boom boom until 5 am, then I go Karaoke bar and bar fine cute boy and give him money you give me, then send me money when you go home, then come back and get married and buy village a pick up truck – Ford Ranger, top of the range Wildtrak, orange with red plate, not cheap Charlie Vigo, then build house and my family move in when you go back home, ‘chanot di tin’ in my name, sorry mister my boyfriend come back now… Or “Short time in dirty back room 500 Baht?”…

“You hansom sexy man!” – “You are fat smelly old farang, but you have a full wallet, ATM card and a good heart!”

“My mother buffalo real sick, need money go hospital.” – “You look like easy money, stupid farang, mother want new LED TV.”

“Where you from?” – “I hope you’re from Norway or Germany, they have more money than cheap Charlie Brits!”

“Are you Russian?” – “You wear very loud vest, shorts, flip flops and have lobster pink sun burn, you must be Russian.”

“Where you stay?” – “I hope you stay in 5 star hotel, they have True Vision!”

“You have girlfriend?” – “I hope you not have girlfriend, then you can spend more money on me…”

“You want go with me?” – “How much you want to pay, I want new Samsung Galaxy?”

“You buy lady dink for me?” – “I need to be mau mak, mak (very drunk) to talk to you.” Or “I’m waiting for rich guy to come, but you can buy me dink until he turn up!”

“I have period, cannot go with you.” – “I wait for guy from Norway, he come later and have more money. Thanks for the 3 very expensive lady dinks you bought for me!” or “I am really a man, so solly mister.”

“I go dancing with my friend now.” – “You not buy me dink.” Or “I go dance and talk with my friend to talk about how much money I can get from you.” Or “My Norwegian offshore oil worker friend with big money just sat down over there.”