What are the best answers to those 4 questions you get asked in the bar?

 “What’s your name?” The best answer recently heard in Pattaya was “Nunya!” The bar girl replied “nice to meet you Nunya!” Strange name? What does it mean? It turns out it is short for Nunya Business! (None-of-your-business!!!) Normally guys don’t give their real name, well the guys that live in Thailand tend not to. Why you might ask? Well, what if you get a phone call from a bar girl and your wife answers? Wrong name = wrong number! Unless of course your wife is very clever and asks your ‘Mia Noi’ (Little Wife) to describe the guy she is calling…..So the choices are, real name, funny name or alias! Up to you.

Another guy recently met up with a lovely bar lady in Bangkok, took her back to the hotel room and then she told him his real name and where he worked…. He was a bit surprised to say the least! It turned out she worked during the day for a company he had a contract with and she had brought him coffee in a meeting! She looked very different in a business suit…

“Where you come from?” Another classic reply “I’m from Foodland!” Most bar girls will think you are Finnish or at least a Scandinavian with this reply. Is it important where you are from or is she just being polite? It’s a bit of both really. After all it’s a polite introduction and the lass is trying to work out if you are likely to be loaded or not, if you are on holiday or you are an ex-pat having a sneaky night out whilst your missus has gone up country!

“How old you?” Thai girls are fascinated with how old everyone is. You could tell her “same age you”, which isn’t very likely, or ask her to guess. She will usually guess younger than you really are as this will almost definitely result in you buying her a lady drink, job done! If you’re over fifty you could be looking to retire in Thailand and will obviously require a young lady to spend all of your pension pot on, unless you already have one, or two…

“How long you stay Thailand?” This one, if answered truthfully, informs the young lass if you are an ex-pat or tourist. If you want the best service tell her you go back to your home country next week. She will think you have money to burn and will try her very best to separate you and it! As an alternative, the next girl who asks you “How long you stay Thailand?” tell her “Ten years.” She may think, damn where’s the 2 week millionaires when you need them? Or, you may be lucky and she is happy whoever pays the rent for the night. It is often funny when you ask the bar girls how long they have worked in the bar, especially if they think you are a tourist. The usual reply is “Only 2 weeks, I work in salon before Jail Bate A Go Go!” It kinda softens the blow when you introduce her to your family as your future wife when you explain she is a cashier in a popular bar, after all it is low season she couldn’t have been with too many other guys, right?