The first tip here is to know how much a lady drink costs in the bar you are in. You might be in for a shock at the end of the evening when your check bin arrives and it could be very embarrassing if you haven’t got enough money left to bar fine the girl you’ve been getting loaded with all night. Lady drinks generally cost more than standard drinks and can be double the price or more, sometimes a lot more. The bar girls get extra money from the lady drinks and also it helps them to accept just how ugly, fat and smelly some customers are! Learn to speak Thai and listen in to the conversations the bargirls have with each other and to what they say in Thai to their handsome man. It can be very amusing indeed!

If a girl is really pushy and demands ‘You buy me dink’ directly after the ‘Hello where you from, my name is Porn’ routine it’s best to move on to another girl. After all you haven’t even had a chance to feed the pony yet, cheeky cow! It’s so much nicer to offer the girl a drink, if you wish, plus you are in control. Pushy birds tend to get their drink, then after a slug or too say ‘I go dance with my friend now’. WTF was that all about? Maybe she just saw one of her regular sponsors enter the bar…

One way of testing the girl you’re with is to ask her if she wants a San Miguel or whatever you happen to be drinking. If she agrees chances are she will try most things you suggest, if she says no and wants a whiskey coke and plays with her phone whilst you tell her about leaving your farang wife, good luck! You could play hard ball and tell her no drink unless it’s same, same you! She will either comply or leave…

Do remember though that you are not obliged to buy lady drinks, but one or two drinks will ensure that she and her friends don’t think you are a Cheap Charlie, if this bothers you. Also if you get your young lady too drunk before bar fining her you’ll end up losing out or cleaning up her vomit from your hotel floor! She probably weighs about half your weight and really shouldn’t be drinking twice as much as you!